Laws of Attraction
by Iamclueingforlooks
Summary: McPriceley It's been two months since the missionaries were excommunicated but it had been a difficult six months for Connor McKinley who was finally coming to terms with his sexuality, and his unlikely crush, and the fact it would be forever unrequited. Little did he know Kevin was having some doubts for himself...
1. Chapter One- Sweat

The sun rose once again on the searching planes of rural Uganda, illuminating the mounting piles of bodies- both human and otherwise- as well as the stunted buildings that were splattered about. People were already pacing the streets, struggling to find enough work to earn the shillings needed to feed their families mouths.

Among the derelict streets stood a building that, although still as disheveled as the rest, rose above the rest like the God that had once been worshipped there. The sign that once bore the phrase 'The church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints' had now been crudely redone to remind the village of the changes that Arnold Cunningham had brought upon them.

Kevin Price sat underneath the largest tree he could find, hoping that the shade would offer some sort of respite from the unrelenting heat. 6 months in Uganda and he still wasnt used to the climate change. Orlando wouldn't be this warm- he shook his head. This was where he was meant to be.

He cradled the red fronted book that had taken so long to come back from the printers. The Book of Arnold was a completely uninspired name choice by his beloved travel companion but he couldn't blame him- he'd changed the minds and hearts of so many people with these farfetched stories.

"You look really concentrated buddy, what's got you down?" Arnold grinned, leaning over into Kevin's personal space to look into his companion's eyes.

Kevin scoffed and shoved Arnold's shoulder, shooting him into Nabulungi who gasped in shock as she caught her boyfriend in an embrace. Kevin averted his eyes, jealousy piercing his chest. Naba and Arnold had been together nearly two months now and Kevin hadn't even found anyone here who he was attracted to or who seemed interested in him. For heavenly father's sake, look at him! He was pretty perfect, even if he said so, so this was irking him to no end.

"Hey buddy!" A chirpy voice followed by a shock of water to his face stunned him out of his self absorbed mental rant.

Kevin spluttered unceremoniously, swiping angrily to clear his eyes before glaring up at his hydro-assaulter. His eyes were met with the sight of Elder Mckinley grinning boyishly down at him clutching a dirty and battered plastic cup that no doubt had been full up until a few seconds ago.

"Good one Elder M!" Arnold jumped up and gestured for them to high five which was willingly obliged by both of them.

"Elders seriously?! Some of us are actually working!"

"Kevin I _wrote_ the book you are studying! For once, I'm the awesomest"

"Arnold, awesomest is not a word"

"Yes it so is. I might even rewrite The Book of Arnold just to add it in" Arnold pouted, sticking his tongue out childishly at Kevin.

"You can't! We've handed out _so_ many already and it took forever to get the copies back from the US"

"I can do what I want, I'm the best"

"I think that's-"

Their elevating love filled bickering was reaching a new high, even to Arnold's ever loving girlfriend but even she didn't welcome the forthcoming interruption. A shadow cast down on the group, causing all four to turn to look towards the source. Elder Butt Fucking Naked, or Ben as they had more than happily renamed him when he was baptised into the church, stood just off to the side of them.

His rifle, which he had _insisted_ that he be allowed to keep after adhering to the rules of disbanding his terror group, was slung haphazardly across his shoulder. Of course Arnold had told him time and time again that there was no need to keep it considering he was the only terror they had needed protection from.

"Do we not have somewhere to be getting to, Elder Cunningham and Sister Nabulungi?"

The couple shot slightly reluctant looks to the remainder of their happy group before standing up and moving towards the intimidating Elder. It had seemed that the Elder had taken to The Book of Arnold more than everyone else, putting more effort and an excess of surprise into the work. Apparently once he was passionate for one thing, he poured his heart into his work. The dedication, although Arnold was glad he wasn't killing anyone, was just as scary as his former line of work.

"I-I'm sorry Elder Price. I didn't know it would upset you that much"

Kevin looked once again towards the mission leader, taking the sight of him in. Poor Elder was scrawny and a bit sickly considering how long he had spent in Uganda- you'd think the poor kid would have been able to retain some sort of tan by now. He wasn't going to get any woman with that look. Maybe Kevin could help him sort his appeal out a bit. In the time that he'd known him the only interaction of a female kind had been with Nabulungi but that couldn't be counted. She only had eyes for one guy.

"Elder Mckinley whilst it was uncalled for, I'm grateful. This heat and white shirts don't really seem to work well together" Elder Price chuckled, pulling at his shirt in an attempt to lift the shirt from his slick skin.

Connor's eyes drifted down almost unconsciously, mentally taking in the sight of Kevin's shirt stuck to him in all of the right places. Thank god for Ugandan heat. _No. Turn it off._ His head snapped up to meet the taller Elder's eyes and he cemented on his typical facade.

"Oh don't worry about that Elder! I'm sure you won't get many complaints!" Connor smiled before mentally hitting himself. _Connor that is not off!_ As long as he was noticing how gloriously muscled the Elder was, even if it was passing it off as a stupid compliment, it was definitely _not_ off.

"Yes of course Elder! I shouldn't have to deprive the Ugandans from looking at me" Kevin realised combing his fingers through his hair unconsciously. It was getting a bit too long now but barbers weren't really a necessary commodity in the middle of nowhere.

"Now Elder, it's getting near to lunch so would you like to join the rest of us? I will be cooking so I can assure it definitely won't be poptarts" Connor smiled warmly, hoping to project an air of friendship to the other. The conversation up until this point had been stilted and awkward.

As if on cue Kevin's stomach rumbled loudly, reminding him that he had skipped breakfast in an attempt to get both some quiet and space to study. He blushed lightly, rose tinting the tops of his cheeks as he laughed.

"I'm glad you mentioned something Elder. I think I would've starved to death otherwise"

Connor blushed as well, mimicking his counterpart but for entirely different reasons. How he'd love for him to- _No turn it off!_ He swallowed but met Elder Price's eyes once again.

"Elder Price please- We've known each other long enough now I believe. I would really appreciate it if you would call me Connor?"

Kevin looked a little taken aback as he replayed the sentence in his mind but unfortunately to Connor's untrained eyes what he saw was disgust and rejection. _Stupid, stupid turn it off off off!_

"I-I mean... I- Elder Price, it's disrespectful I'm sorry-"

"I've never heard your name before Eld- Connor. Connor, please offer me the same." Kevin laughed lightly "Sorry, it's like hearing your teacher's name for the first time"

Connor let out a shuddering breath, the relief coursing through his veins that thrummed to life. Being near any attractive guy seemed to give him this effect but it was so, so much worse around Kevin.

"Kevin" The Elder grinned, sticking his hand out towards the starstruck elder who shook it after a second.

Connor repeated the name softly to himself, rolling it around his tongue quietly. It worked perfectly for him. Handsome by name after all...

Kevin laid a hand onto Connor's shoulder, offering him a heart melting smile whilst he did. "Let's get back to the others before they send out a search party for their leader"

Connor practically died in that exact moment. If nothing else happened in his life he would be the happiest he had been in years in those 30 seconds. These thoughts were so wrong but so sinfully right. Even if he had messed everything else up in his life, he had this new mission and his new friends.

 _Friends._


	2. Chapter Two- Wet

_Kevin opened his eyes groggily, looking around himself self consciously. He didn't know where he was but the place felt... familiar. A finger trailed down the lines of his neck, down to the base of his throat and back again. He swallowed back the need to moan, it had been so long since he'd last felt someone touch him. The finger was replaced by featherlight kisses- so light that he wasn't even sure if they'd happened but the heat left behind was realer than anything he'd felt before. Once the glorious kisses had run the course that the digits had before, they retreated back so he felt the owners hot breath on his ear lobe. He could no longer contain the low moan that escaped him- he just wanted this mysterious person to touch him again._

" _Kevin..." A voice moaned into his ear. A feeling as cold and piercing as ice shot through his spine, curling into his stomach. The voice was not only male- but one of the mission leader, Connor Mckinley._

" _Ahhh Kevin Price. I don't see you since the donut incident and then twice in one year. Well... that is what you tell people, right? The first and only hell dream you had was that one until that petty rule 72 incident"_

 _Kevin tried in vain to turn his head to view the disembodied voice but there was no need, he already knew exactly who it belonged to._

" _Lucifer"_

" _Oh Kevin I love the way you say my name. Such anger. Such hurt"_

" _I've done nothing wrong this time! Why am I having this dream?!"_

 _Lucifer chuckled darkly before thick black smoke began to seep from the floor and take on the form of two figures- one slightly smaller than the other. The smoke seemed to mould to each other, intertwining in a dance that was beautiful even with the presence of this dream. The smoke dipped and settled in a position half the height of the other and begun to take shape. The taller, even before looking in detail, would look identical to him he knew. This was his dream, after all._

 _His smoke counterpart seemed to tip back his head, it's mouth opening in a moan as the other shadow begun to come into focus._

" _No! Stop this, this isn't me!"_

" _You aren't stopping him Kevin. You seem to be enjoying it"_

" _I am not gay! That is a sin onto heavenly father's name!"_

" _Yes but you are no longer a Mormon, correct? Just let yourself feel"_

 _Before Kevin could even respond, he blinked and fully opened his eyes to feel a pair of hands resting on his thighs. The hands gripped onto the flesh like their lives depended on it. Kevin glanced down further, his eyes settling on a shock of red hair and the brightest eyes he had ever seen. His knees buckled slightly as the full feeling of this dream slammed into him, his dick at full attention and being pleasured expertly in the warm cavern of... another man._

" _Kev this is my first time... I'm sorry if this isn't good for you"_

 _Kevin went to open his mouth to let out the string of curse words to stop whatever was going on here but another deeper moan just pushed its way out anyway._

" _Fuck"_

 _The words still left him but they were just breaths and moans. Nothing had ever felt this good before and he had had a few good attempts from some of the girls at his stupid Mormon camps._

 _Kevin threaded his fingers through the older boys hair, holding him closer with each thrust he made into his mouth. The man was amazing, that couldn't be denied. All he wanted to do was kiss his cherry red lips and make him moan as he was doing to him at that moment. He shook his head, feeling a horrific pressure in his chest. Realisation._

" _Elder... This is so wrong" Kevin grunted, shoving forcefully against the smaller boys shoulder. Connor lost his balance and fell hard which, in a regular dream would have been fine, caused him to fall to a doom filled with fire._

 _Vicious chuckled exploded from around him, the closest one sounding exactly like his own. "Oh Kevin, you self righteous boy. This is not the last we have seen of each other. You are destined to burn with me. I look forward to it"_

 _Nails begun to scrape every inch of him, blood exploded from every fresh cut that appeared in his usually pristine skin._

" _Beautiful Kevin. All gays spend eternity with me. You're going to burn in hell"_

 _A scream rung out, loud and long, and it took him a while to realise it was his own. The cuts turned to gashes to wounds to slices of his skin beginning to curl down towards the floor._

Kevin woke with a horrific start, breath catching in his throat. His hands roamed over his flesh checking from even the smallest evidence of his dream but everything was how it was when he went to sleep. He shifted slightly, causing himself to move against the sheet. He muttered angrily, glancing under the sheets to confirm his suspicions. The damp spot on his sheet was obvious enough but he had to confirm it with his own eyes. He gripped his member gently, thumbing the tip and sure enough coming away with wetness. _This was stupid. Nothing was remotely sexual in that dream! Disgusting yes! Not anything worth... this._

Feeling like a stupid pre-pubescent boy again, Kevin flung his sheet away from him and stalked to the corner. Thankfully he had had the foresight to collect water the day before- he was more than happy he didn't have to walk around the village with an erection. He'd never live it down- literally. Although thankful for the cold water this morning, these 'showers' had been the hardest to adapt to. Yes, the food was nowhere near the level he'd had back in America but it was bearable. To not be able to shower and feel properly clean was horrific- especially his beloved hair.

He made his way down the hall, reveling in the silence of the mission. As much as he loved his fellow elders, especially now they'd all stayed to spread the Book of Arnold, there weren't many moments he managed to get alone. He reached the bathroom which unfortunately was only a room, several drains and a bucket.

"I need a holiday soon, somewhere with running water. And a haircut" he muttered angrily to himself as he stepped in.

His toes touched the edge of the only stoned floor in the small mission (for obvious reasons) as his eyes locked onto another body in the room already. His eyes roamed over the bent over figure in front of him who was standing side on which gave full view. The figure was perfect, a back that curved perfectly into a delicious- The figure stood to it's full height, giving Kevin chance to take in the one hidden area. The man's member waved in the air slightly, the owner obviously having the same kind of morning as him. They were almost the same size, not that he usually compared, but for some reason this just caused the aching down below to double. Now he definitely felt the part of a horny 16 year old, considering this was a man...

Kevin dropped the stored water in shock, causing a dull thud to sound through the resonant bathroom. The figure turned with a gasp, covering their chest with their arm as if they were a woman, and turned their clear eyes onto Kevin. _Of course, after last night, the object of his hell dream was standing in front of him._ They were standing as close as they had in the said dream and he properly noticed the height difference between them.

"I-I'm sorry Elder- I thought no one else was around"

He span on his heel and fled as fast as he could with a towel wrap- shit. In the shock of it all, his towel had dropped. When and where he couldn't remember. Had Connor seen him... naked? He guessed it was an eye for an eye after the amount h- Kevin cussed. This wasn't good. He never focused on anyone this much, let alone a man. Let alone another man from the same mission. _Turn it off._

Connor stood, staring after the frankly beautiful Kevin Price flee in embarrassment when surely it should have been himself. After all, the whole result of this 'cleaning' was due to the spectacularly bad hell dream he had been the star of that night. They had been steadily growing worse over the last 6 months that Kevin had been there. Yes, he'd had hell dreams about new elders before but they had been the star once before he'd managed to turn it off. Whether this new found string of dreams had been caused from the fact of The Book of Arnold being tolerant to homosexuals or that Kevin was just... gorgeous, he didn't know.

He'd specifically asked Arnold to only write in a phrase about consensual relationships alongside the baby sleeping memo and both him and Nabulungi had given him smiling glances. Of all of the missionaries that were now involved in this particular part of Africa, they were the only two who were the closest to know his gay thoughts weren't really that anymore.

It was like he was beginning to have straight moments in his gay mind. Arnold had happily agreed, muttering so only they could hear that he'd always hated the passages about man laying with woman. Connor had lowered his head, a small smile on his face. In that moment he felt a fleeting acceptance which had soon been swallowed by self doubt.

He shook his head, determined not to let himself become caught up in those memories again. However much he felt accepted or natural in fleeting moments in his life, he always came back to the hell dream. His mind always went to how he was going to burn, die, hurt, just because he could no longer pretend that he was attracted to females like he had tried after the Steve Blade incident. Connor, with all of this self doubt and anger towards himself and his thoughts, could never be happy with himself. Not whilst he was trapped in his own mind.


	3. Chapter Three- Trip

Tonight Kevin's hell dream could be heard through the mission. For the second night in a row, after so long of being completely dreamless, he began to dream vividly of both hell and the reason he had made it there. Somehow, when he had once again woken with a start and a tented sheet, he had managed to convince himself he was just unlucky. He hated the dark circles that ringed his eyes now and the red scratch marks that he rained upon himself during the nighttime.

"Rough night Elder?" A voice sounded from his right as he morosely bit into a dry piece of toast. He jumped and glanced towards the source and was glad to see Elder Thomas instead of Connor. He couldn't put on a convincing act for at least another few hours.

He laughed humorlessly and resumed his breakfast "Something like that, yes"

"Hell dream?"

"Like no other" Kevin rested his head in his hands, wishing he could go back to bed and have a decent night for once.

"Yeah... we all guessed"

Kevin groaned deeply, laying his head on the table and folding his arms over his head. He'd known eventually they'd find out considering how real the pain was in the dream. Perhaps not this soon though. His mind drifted back to last night unconsciously,

Light. For once the sunlight wasn't scolding, it was simply soothing him. The place they'd set everything up in wasn't that bad either- at least it had running water.

"Uncle Kevin!"

Kevin turned towards the voice, already having his arms spread wide, and enveloped the child in a tight embrace.

"There's my favorite"

"Hey! I thought I was"

Kevin stood before two pouting children, one around three years younger than the other. Nabulungi and Arnold had actually made some pretty kids he had to admit. The fact that he was their godfather wasn't a scary fact anymore- they were like his own anyway. Dembe, the youngest at 5, was definitely his favourite but he would never admit it. Arnold had gotten his way with the first child though as the boy was named Lluc which, of course, was a variant of Luke. There was no way star wars wasn't going to feature a little more in their lives.

"You're both my favourites, you know that"

"Apart from Uncie Connor"

Kevin grinned and blushed good naturedly, ducking his head. The children knew that they were both very close friends but not to what extent. Three years after they had first met and now they together in the loosest of terms. Kevin was sure that Connor had realised that he was still entirely freaked out by the idea of them being together so technically they were just friends who went on dates. And one day maybe a bit more. Kevin had to stop himself. He couldn't be having those thoughts whilst near children.

A scream burst through the gentle atmosphere and the scene suddenly shifted and dimmed, a dark fog suddenly descending on them all. Nabulungi staggered through the clearing in the trees, her normally pristine uniform splashed with crimson. With all the strength she could muster, she dragged her husband along with her.

"Kevin!" She screamed once more, and continued to scream, as Kevin began to run to her.

"Uncle Kevin!" Dembe screamed as an armed man appeared from nowhere and pulled her against his chest, pressing a knife to her throat with a sickening grin.

"Kevin!" Connor yelled from a third direction, his voice cracking with emotion. A gun was being pressed forcefully into his temple as a single tear rolled down his cheek.

"Choose"

Kevin looked between the four choices he had- the four directions- and fresh tears sprung to his eyes. Nabulungi was desperately trying to revive her husband with bursts of screams and yells as she did, tears falling into his fresh wound as she did. Small Dembe had now been slammed to the ground as the man traced her small features with his knife, a trail of red breaking out with each caress. Connor was crying openly now in a way Kevin had never seen before. His lips moved slowly, spelling out 'Save them' before creating a struggle large enough for the bullet to explode from the gun tearing a hole clean through his skull.

Kevin took a small step towards his fallen companion with a small sob as everything around him went quiet. He blinked and in front of him lay five bodies that seemed infinitely small to him now. Nabulungi was still clutching her husband's hand in death and Arnold's features seemed oddly rested. Dembe's clothing was completely wrecked, blood soaking from every inch of skin that was shown including- Kevin turned and emptied his stomach, the thought too repulsive for him to think about. His sweet godkids that he couldn't even protect in this stupid dream. Sobs wracked his body as he crawled towards Connor and pressed his forehead against the cold of the older man's.

"Kevin, my sweet boy, this is becoming regular"

Lucifer glided across the room, stroking a hand gently on Kevin's cheek, sending an icy shiver through him.

"This isn't right. Why are you punishing me?"

"Oh you deserve this. Your blatant homosexuality is having consequences on your life and others that surround you. If you really think this-" he splayed his fingers gracefully and gestured to the bodies "Isn't going to happen, you are sorely mistaken"

The bodies all rose from the ground in one movement, all coming to stand in a circle around him.

"Wait... I-"

Their faces had all contorted to give him looks of complete and utter hatred as they advanced and began to rip at his clothing and eventually skin.

"Fag"

"Sinner"

"Cock Sucker"

"Fairy"

"Queer"

"Homo"

The blood poured from him in dots and splashes, covering the area in a downpour that blended into the ground as if it belonged there. Kevin didn't belong. He was disgusting and immoral and-

Kevin shook his head from the ordeal that had changed both his mood for the day and his general mindset. He could finally admit to himself that yes, he was having gay thoughts but it didn't have to define him. There were plenty of cases of people like him continuing their faiths and lives whilst having these thoughts. As long as he turned it off.

"It was abysmal. I can't do it anymore" Kevin sighed heavily, finally lifting his head from the table and noticing that Elder Thomas was no longer in the kitchen with him. By allowing himself to remember that hell dream, he must have managed to sneak out. If Kevin were him he would have done that too. He was a state.

He ran a hand down his face exhaustedly, pondering if all of this Book of Arnold stuff was worth it. No doubt his parents had heard the news months ago and their heavily Mormon neighbourhood were cursing his very name and the fact he was on a certain path for hell. He already knew he was destined for hell years ago but he'll be damned, literally, if he was going to go lying down. Once he'd cleared the kitchen from his early morning breakfast, he strode back into his room which he now occupied on his own.

Arnold had refused almost everything from just about everyone that had offered him various things in thanks of The Book of Arnold but there was only one offer he had taken. He now lived in a hut in the center of the village which he was now sharing with Nabulungi but he'd been told in no uncertain terms that it was purely for convenience. After the many times himself and other Elders had caught them in... concerning positions, he had happily moved out although he was still pivotal in all of their work. After all they were constantly making changes as they continued their work around the village and the villages that surrounded them.

Kevin stripped down from his nighttime wear and placed it in a metal bucket with the rest of his dirty clothing- which now were beginning to overwhelm his clean things- before shrugging on another crisp white shirt. Unfortunately, like the barber's and the hot showers and everything else unessential, iron's weren't a thing he could easily access so he had to put up with hanging them out to dry in the midday sun. He slung a tie around his neck after pulling his last pair of black trousers- he definitely needed to do some washing- and began to haphazardly tie it as he walked from the mission. If the rest of the day was bust thanks to his hell dream, at least he could try some conversions.

He sighed with frustration, pulling lightly on his hair as he did so. Not one single person would speak to him, let alone let him explain about The Book of Arnold. It had to be the uniforms, he'd have to speak to Arnold about that. He loosened his tie as he stepped back through the mission's door, the relief from the heated setting sun welcoming. They weren't quite lucky enough to have air conditioning but they were in an area which was quite sheltered from the blazing heat. Glancing at his watch he realised most of the Elder would have had their main meal by now and made his way into the kitchen only to once again feeling his steps falter. Why did this man have to be everywhere?!

Elder Mckinley sat at the rickety old table, tugging his tie loose from his neck as he doodled absent mindedly on a piece of paper. Kevin had always been involved in conversations about the Mission leader and they had spoken highly of him in every single one. He was great at dancing, drawing, public speaking etc the list would go on. The man had no flaws as much as his character went. Connor hummed a happy tune as he did, his concentration clearly focused on his task. Kevin, believing it safe to pad past in his bare feet to collect something to eat out of his way, walked quietly behind the older man. Before he knew it, said feet were ripped out from under him as he landed squarely on his back.

Groaning angrily, Kevin flopped his arm over his eyes at his stupidity. He could do nothing right, not even sneak past the ever continuing star in his nightly dreams.

"Kevin!" Connor gasped as he flew from his seat and knelt by his shoulders, placing a hand gently on him.

"I'm so sorry! Elder Church spilt something and he and I-" Connor stammered, tears beginning to pool in his eyes at the thought of him being the cause of this incident. He'd never forgive himself if anything were to happen.

"It's fine" Kevin barked, sitting up abruptly and nearly giving them both a new injury in the process. He couldn't continue this. They were becoming too close in all senses of the word and it felt as if heavenly father were trying to say something to him. These thoughts had only begun when he'd begun to regard C-Elder Mckinley higher than he had before. A friend.

"Kevin, you could have hurt your back!"

"I don't care, Elder! If I have no pain I'm fine!"

Connor visibly flinched away from him as if he had witnessed the fire in his eyes and stood up quickly without looking back at him.

"Sorry Elder Price, I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Have a good evening"

Kevin watched Connor's retreating back, noticing his shoulders have sagged noticeably and

the lightness had left his steps. He shouldn't be noticing these small changes- Turn it off.


	4. Chapter Four- Count

Two Weeks. 14 days. 336 hours. 56 of those hours spent being tortured in his own mind. Kevin was about ready to pull all of his luscious hair out just to be rid of them. They always differed in styles of torture or levels of sexual content but there was always one recurring factor- Connor. The dark circles around his eyes were constantly present and he wondered every time he woke from another hell dream how Connor had lived with these dreams for nearly 10 years of his life, every single night since he was a child.

"Good morning Sisters and my darling Elders"

Kevin glared at his bland breakfast, despising how Connor would be so perky this early in the morning especially if he was still having these hell dreams.

"We have some new late, though none the less welcome, recruits! Please welcome Elder James and Sister Lewis"

Everyone exchanged confused glances before looking back towards their mission leader, expecting an explanation.

"They were technically trained in the Mormon faith and were set to come here. They turned it down until I sent them copies of the Book of Arnold. Complete converts"

Everyone, seemingly happy with the explanation, took turns in welcoming the new recruits bar Kevin who seemed tied up in his own world.

Kevin looked up lazily, his head still pressed into the palm of his hand and noticed he was gathering some unexpected attention. Two people he didn't recognise, new recruits he gathered, were stood in front of him and the girl was smiling exclusively at him. She wasn't unattractive, no where near his type, but he wasn't one to turn up a sign from heavenly father. This girl was his ticket to dreamless sleep and being able to turn it off finally.

"Great to meet you Sister. I'm Elder Price"

"Sister Lewis but uh... he already said that" She blushed lightly which caused Kevin to avert his eyes. It would work... It would. It had to.

"Elder Price is friends with Elder Cunningham- they came here together"

Kevin turned to look at the voice who'd just spoken, allowing himself the first full look in weeks. Of course he hadn't changed but the stolen glances weren't enough. His skin was still the same as always but Kevin yearned to touch him, talk to him properly. Anything. What had changed?! He scolded himself. Heavenly father had a neon sign wrapped around Sister Lewis but he was still experience these ungodly urges. He disgusted himself.

"Oh really? You must be really well versed in all of this then?"

"Of course, my best friend wrote the book. I could talk about this more as I showed you around town?"

"I'd like that" Sister Lewis blushed darkly, glancing quickly towards the lips of the delectable Elder Price. This had never happened before- she'd barely been here five minutes.

"Is that okay Elder Mckinley? I know I was meant to be coming with you"

Sister Lewis flinched from the non verbal hatred she'd received through the piercing gaze of the mission leader. His cheeks had flushed a delicious pink that highlighted his cheekbones to the completely heterosexual Kevin. Obviously it wasn't okay! She'd be branded the mission slut, taunted for-

"Of course Sister. Just be back by sunset" Connor smiled brightly, whiplashing back to his default demeanor but not before chancing a look back at Kevin. The men stared for a second before Kevin laid his palm in the center of Sister Lewis' back and walked her from the building.

"THAT-THAT-" Connor yelled when he was finally far enough away from the mission that no one would accidentally stumble upon him. Well he had tried that but had only managed to get to the edge of the village.

Nabulungi glanced up from studying her boyfriends book, shot Connor a sympathetic smile before standing up.

"Want to talk about it?"

Connor stalled for a second, looking into the gentle eyes of his fellow Sister before he breathed out, exhausted.

"Kevin"

"Tell me something I do not know, Connor. You are both terrible"

"There's a new missionary and she's pretty and she's got these great eyes and he was looking at her like- like"

"Stop babbling Connor, you aren't a teenager anymore and I'm not your supposed 'school friends'. You're okay"

Nabulungi enveloped Connor in a gentle hug, gently running a hand through his hair calmingly. It was funny in the short time they'd all been together, she'd been turned into the mission mother. Connor held her tightly, feeling the love and acceptance seep into him. He'd suffered so long with accusing eyes and disgusted stares that being held by someone that knew about... him... felt surreal.

"Naba I don't know what to do"

"Let it play out, honestly. You two are made for each other, I promise. No matter how many obstacles are thrown in between you, heavenly father has placed you both here for a reason"

"But-"

"Man shall not be judged on the one he chooses to love for each man is loved by heavenly father equally- Nathaniel verse 12:5 in The Book of Arnold. You should know that"

"He isn't gay Naba! He isn't even interested are you kidding?! He's the most straight laced man I've ever met, even after the change to The Book of Arnold. He is also the straightest man when we were studying the Book of Mormon!"

"He was quite open to the idea of homosexuality if I remember the story that Arnold told me"

"He was trying to make me feel better! I don't care if it's okay if I have these explicit dreams about him- I want them all in the real world!"

Connor's yells drew some strange gazes which turned to friendly smiles as they noticed two of the main pillars of the church that changed their village.

"It's your birthday soon right?"

"So?" Connor sulked, surprised to realise they had made it back to Arnold and Nabulungi's shared house. She opened the door and he skulked inside, glancing around him again. He was always shocked when he came in, it was all so much better furnished that the mission. He slumped onto the couch, burying his face is a cushion and tucking his legs under him.

Nabulungi settled beside him, lifting his head from where he'd laid it with a gentle action. "Connor, listen to yourself. You are worth so much more than you think. You need to tell everyone at the party"

"What?!" He sat straight up, nearly colliding with Nabulungi, and stared at her as if she'd grown another head.

"Connor, being gay has never been a bad thing. It's especially not under Arnold's new rules. You can't help who you love"

"Slight matter of the law though" he muttered to himself before a pillow struck the side of his head.

"Stupid boy! You think anyone we have allowed into our faith would go to the police?!"

Connor nodded but groaned, changing his position with a mournful flop.

"Thanks Naba" he murmured, wringing his hands together nervously. "But it won't help with Kevin. He had to be attracted to me first"

"That's like saying Star Wars isn't cool- untrue" Arnold called from the kitchen as he walked in with a happy smile. Nabulungi lit up like a christmas tree. For split second it reminded Connor about the first day he'd seen a ballet dancer. She had been so fluid, so majestic and he just had to do it. His parents had indulged in his little quirk right up to-

"Where's my welcome, C-Man?!"

Connor snapped from his flashback, planting a genuine smile on his face. He really liked Arnold, there was nothing in this world that seemed to get in his way. For gosh sake he had created a whole new religious faction just from being found out about lying. Connor had never forgotten the joy he'd felt (on the second time through) when he'd watched the play. It was completely unreal but it seemed to speak to people and that's all that mattered.

"I'm sorry Arnie. Boy trouble" Connor smiled before allowing himself to be enveloped by his second hug of the past hour.

"You mean men in denial trouble? You two are worse than we were"

"Yes but there are several rather big differences between us two and you two"

"I wouldn't say they were big" Arnold giggled casting a look at his girlfriend who just rolled her eyes.

"Really Arnold?" Connor mimicked Naba before sitting back on the sofa- this time on a separate one as to let the couple sit together.

"Yes really" he chuckled again, skipping to the sofa and bouncing to sit back onto the couch. He took his girlfriend's hand in his own and squeezed it gently.

"Kevin wasn't happy when we were in America and he wasn't happy when we got here. He was happy here until a few weeks ago and he's stopped. I think it's you"

"Why would I be the cause of that?"

"The first few weeks he couldn't stop talking about you and it progressed to asking the other Elders about you. I dunno, he's never taken an interest in anyone in all of the time we've been here. The only person who has been remotely close to that is you"

Connor pondered it for a second. Come to think of it, Kevin had met an awful lot of people and he'd barely spoke of them afterwards. He shook his head- Connor was the Mission Leader. Of course he'd be interested considering as soon as his parents somehow got word of all of this, Connor would be snatched from this place and Kevin would replace him. It made sense.

"Thanks for the chat guys but I think I'm gunna go back to the mission" he smiled gently, the faked smile not even coming close to his eyes.

"You're welcome anytime. You know that" Naba smiled genuinely, pressing a kiss to his cheek gently. He felt tears burn at the back of his throat as he said his goodbyes to them both and set back towards his problems once again.


	5. Chapter Five- Stuck

Kevin looked at the clock for around the 10th time in an hour. Sister Stuck, as he'd now nicknamed her, was staring at him as they all sat quietly around the dinner table. Honestly this was exhausting. Connor was never late for dinner and it was selfish of him to make Kevin worry. Anything could happen- just as Naba had warned him the first day he'd gotten there.

"So Sister, how are you finding Uganda?"

"Oh it's gorgeous. Everything here is just so much better than America"

Kevin snorted rudely, keeping his eyes squarely on his plate. She was so goddamn obvious and it made him feel ill. From the small coughs and shuffles around the table the rest of the Elder's were feeling as uncomfortable as him.

"I wonder where Elder Mckinley is"

Kevin's head snapped up at the first mention of Connor's name for the last few hours and locked eyes with Elder James, noticing a strange look on his face. What was wrong with this kid?

"Well actually it's perfect he isn't here, we need to go over his birthday arrangements!" Elder Thomas grinned, clapping his hands together excitedly. He grumbled, pushing around the food on his plate and pretended to mask his surprise. Jeez he didn't even know it was his birthday- he'd nearly forgotten his own existed if he was honest with himself.

"Oh really? How old is he going to be?" He asked nonchalantly, praying that he had kept his voice neutral enough. He was doing a good job turning off the numerous thoughts he had, even in the daylight now.

"Twenty One"

Kevin lifted his head once again to look towards the voice that had spoken, noticing a wide smile and a delicate blush peppering Elder James' cheeks.

"How did you know?!" Elder Church exclaimed

All of the occupants of the table turned to look at the man, who could most definitely be described as plain, waiting for a non psychic explanation for this.

The Elder cleared his throat, his cheeks darkening in colour. "We used to know each other when we were children. He hadn't recognised me but I couldn't forget him"

"You knew each other?"

"Ahem... yes. We've known each other since we were 4. We grew up next door to each other and we were best friends"

Kevin knew he was grilling the poor guy but he'll be damned if he wasn't going to find out this guys deal. Was he a stalker? A murderer? What was his mission here? Was he even interested in converting people?!

"So how come he doesn't recognise you if you spent all of that time together?"

The rest of the tables, he was sure, could feel the tension that radiated from Kevin and had begun to feel the same from the now unknown Elder.

"I had to escape a part of my identity so I changed my name"

"So which is the real you?"

"The part that loved Connor Mckinley!" he yelled, causing both the tension and the quiet conversations to drop to the floor like weights.

He felt his jaw tighten. Kevin had never hit someone before but dear god did he want to do it now. Curse the mission. Curse everything and everyone else.

"B-But Elder Mckinley isn't... that" Elder Thomas spoke up meekly from where he sat, causing the rest of the table to nod in agreement. They all knew Connor had always struggled but he'd never succumbed. He'd been converted.

"A long time ago he said he had feelings for me but I couldn't let him. His parents were heavily Mormon and I... I wasn't ready to admit that I might have feelings for him too. So... long story short he was sent to a conversion camp"

"You FUCKING what?!"

Kevin had stood up from his seat before the boy had even had a chance to blink and had him pinned to the crumbling wall before anyone else could react.

"You couldn't handle the fact that you were gay and had feelings for a boy who felt the same so you had him sent to hell?!" he spat in his face, tightening his hold on his collar to a point where the colour had drained nearly completely from his face.

"Elder Price!" Sister Smith gasped, placing a hand on his shoulder gently. He tensed but reluctantly let go of the slimy maggot of an Elder.

"You are lucky that we aren't Mormons anymore. I don't think it's written anywhere in the Book of Arnold that I have to be polite to you"

The Elder slid to the floor, gasping for breath and staring incredulously back at Kevin. He graced him with a scathing look before pushing the comforting hand from his arm and storming out of the mission without casting a second look back at either of the people staring after him.

He breathed deeply through his nose, slowly counting backwards from ten. Cussing softly, he tried desperately to clear his mind from the multitude of unholy thoughts running through his mind. Connor had loved someone else but he didn't recognise him. Kevin was trying to forget his thoughts and dreams of the man but yet he fought for him. It was impossible for him to do all of this at once.

"Elder Price, what was that about?!"

Kevin breathed a frustrated sigh but plastered on a long suffering smile as he turned to face her. Heavenly father had given him this opportunity to change himself and his future as a missionary. All he had to do was stop. Stop caring for this man. Stop suffering to stop him from suffering. That wasn't what 'friends' did.

"I'm sorry Sister, I've always been against these conversion camps. Heavenly father made us this way for a reason. He doesn't make mistakes, only challenges"

The girls eyes lit up brightly before sidling up to him and placing a hand on his shoulder shyly. She fluttered her eyes up at him, the devotion as clear as day.

"Oh Kevin, it's so lovely that you care so much for these... abominations. It just makes you all the more humble"

Kevin shivered perceivably at her words and her touch, they were both as disgusting as he figured they would be. He shifted, taking a long deep breath in. Signs from above should not be cast aside.

"I have to. You know the type they are. Just as long as they can live a life as well. Still, the thought of homosexuality disgusts me. I just hide it very well"

The sister sighed and nodded in loving agreement as Kevin slid his hand into hers. She gasped and looked up at him.

"We share the same views on so many things. We could be the most successful missionaries. Imagine how happy our parents would be- we could make up for not following the Mormon faith but instead creating something better. I couldn't think of anyone better than both of us, especially if you have me by your side"

The image formed in his mind of their future together. A tall white building set, where else, in the center of Orlando with his face in the center. Small children ran together in the garden, giggling excitedly as they waited for their parents to finish their sermon. Nabulungi clutched her hand lovingly to Arnold's as they swept their children into a fierce hug, Arnold tickling them mercilessly as Naba looked towards the door to see the rest of their congregation file out. Kevin noticed himself as he joked, leading his love out of the door with the rest. A flash of red made him try to force himself from this daydream but he heard the pearly laughter of his- he glanced at the hand that held onto Connor. Of course they were married. They both ran towards the kids, shocking them with hearty roars.

"Elder Price?"

A voice pulled him from the dream and he shook his head in confusion. He was doing just as heavenly father had asked and he was still not being allowed reprieve from these stupid daydreams and nightmares. It was obvious that this wasn't good enough for the one above.

A grin spread across his face as he pulled the sister into an embrace. "What is your name?"

Sister Smith blushed deeply, lowering her head and toying with a loose button on her shirt. "Ellayna"

"Mine is Kevin. Please- we can't talk in titles if we're dating. That would be really strange"

Ellayna grinned brightly, hardly believing her luck. It had been a struggle to admit feelings when she was back in the US as she was the strange mormon kid. She'd been here two weeks and she had already found and started dating the most attractive man she'd ever met.

"Now that we've calmed you down I think we should go back inside. No doubt they'll want your help planning Elder Mckinley's birthday party! You've been the nicest about this little... quirk he has."

Ellayna, like the excited puppy type girl she was, leaped ahead of Kevin back into the mission with glee. She was delusional or completely clueless he was sure. The last thing they would be talking about after his little performance would be Elder McPerfect's birthday.


	6. Chapter Six- Epiphany

Connor collapsed to the ground with a mournful wail, feeling like a petulant child. For gosh sake he was twenty years old and he was working himself into exhaustion, well more than usual, for even the smallest chance that he could get Kevin to notice him. Sweat beaded on his forehead unattractively. For not the first or last time he wished to give everything up in his life just for an air conditioned, hard floored, mirrored dance studio to practice in. The uneven ground and growing humidity were making it for terrible conditions to show even half the potential he knew he had. He could have made it if not... He shook his head clear and stood up unsteadily.

"Would you like some water Elder?"

Connor jumped at the sudden intrusion, glancing towards the exit to the shaded abandoned shack he had found at the edge of town.

"I'm sorry but Elder Church said you came here sometimes and everyone was worried about you"

"Oh well thank you Elder James! Just how long were you standing there?"

Elder James, or of course Steve, noticed the beginning of a blush as he averted his eyes. Poor Connor had always thought it was his fault for the 'ungodly thoughts' he had but anyone would fall for him after watching him perform. For he had after all.

"Long enough. You are a great dancer Elder, it's incredible"

Connor blushed a deeper red before standing up and beginning to stretch his tightened muscles. Gosh it had been a long time since he'd done this much exercise- let alone just to impress someone. His head swung rapidly to the left to lock eyes with Elder James who had his hand pressed against Connor's knee.

"Sorry Elder, your stretch isn't deep enough. You won't feel it properly" he murmured, applying pressure as Connor stared incredulously. This was unbelievable- his heart wasn't pounding, his palms weren't sweating. Yes- he was attractive, that was undeniable, but he felt nothing behind it.

"Thank you for the help but I think we should get back, Elder. The leader shouldn't be the one that has everyone worrying!"

Connor strode ahead of the other Elder, his mind whirring with a million thoughts. What did this mean? Did heavenly father heed his wish finally and take away these thoughts? Or maybe... he stopped abruptly as realisation hit him. He didn't want them taken away. He didn't want to be 'cured'. He wanted to be with Kevin. Closing his eyes, he sighed with contentment. Connor could finally admit that he was in love with Kevin, whether he had wanted to or not. His steps increased with renewed vigor, the excitement in him palpable as he neared the mission.

"Good evening everyone! Isn't it lovely!"

Connor glided into a room of stony faced Mormons, not exactly an unknown circumstance, as they all ate their plain dinner in unison. He hadn't seen this type of gloom since the day after the mission president had shut down their mission and killed all dreams of any one of them becoming the Mormon their families had hoped they would become. Even the ever full of life Elder Poptarts was staring at his place dejectedly. So many thoughts sprung to the forefront of poor Connor's mind but he couldn't think like this!

"What happened?"

They all looked up in unison, giving Connor chills as he was the star in the majorly scary horror film he'd demanded to watch with his parents, insisting he was a big boy. He had regretted the idea before the first murders had even happened, the suspense filled build up was more than enough for him. Safe to say parts of that movie still haunted him and even made an appearance in some of his darker dreams.

They all looked at him for a second, all numb in shock but Elder Church was the first to switch and give Connor a bright smile. "I'm so sorry Elder! We were so worried for you but then we starting panicking about eating dinner without you and-"

The other Elder's spread around the table nodded aggressively, each plastering on their practiced smiles. Connor had enough experience in his life in turning it off that he could see right past their charade but he couldn't call them out on it. The more he pushed, the more they would push back. Hiding secrets was an incredible well taught Mormon trait, he knew the best out of all of them. Connor sighed, deciding to drop the subject, he wasn't going to get anything apart from this incredibly creepy synchronised bunch.

"It's okay Elders! I'm not too hungry at the moment. You continue to enjoy your meals and I'm going to freshen up"

He breathed a sigh of relief as he left the room that felt heavy with both the elder's stares and the thick atmosphere that had engulfed all of them. Mormons were naturally seen as serious people but those he had gotten to know were anything but that. Only something life changing would make his happy, chatty Elders turn into... that.

"...doesn't make mistakes, just challenges"

Connor sighed happily, realising that Kevin seemed to be normal judging by his voice. Although he was definitely hurt by this yoyo'ing between them but he could always trust the other Elder. He knew that much.

"Oh Kevin, it's so lovely that you care so much for these... abominations. It just makes you all the more humble"

He cringed at her disgustingly high and sweet voice. Connor wasn't stupid, he had noticed the way they had all been over each other the last few weeks and he wasn't the largest fan of it. Of course, he could pull the leader card and get them to stop, he could see that the girl held a ridiculously high respect for him. He couldn't though. If Connor's behaviour hadn't been obviously enough recently, it soon would if he pulled that stunt.

"I have to. You know the type they are. Just as long as they can live a life as well. Still, the thought of homosexuality disgusts me. I just hide it very well"

Connor stumbled back, feeling as if a bullet had pierced straight through his heart. He knew it. He'd known it. All along, he was destined for hell. His dreams were true. This... Not again.


	7. Chapter Seven- New

Connor twirled happily in time with the music, feeling his heart and body join with the music perfectly. He finally had his wish to dance, even if the instances weren't quite what he had hoped for. He had so many restrictions to his life for this hour a week but by heavenly father's name, it was worth every sacrifice. He finished with a pirouette and landed expertly, his fringe flipping into his eyes childishly as he grinned up at his teacher. She smiled and clapped eloquently before ruffling his hair lovingly.

"Connor darling you are constantly surprising me with your talent. I'll see you next week"

He skipped into the separate changing room and changed in record time. Normally he would fight to keep his dance stuff on but today was special. Today his best friend was staying over for a sleepover and he couldn't stop the happy squirming in his stomach. With a cheerful goodbye to his dance teacher, he barrelled from the studio right into the side of Steve Blade.

"Steve!"

"Connor!"

The young boys hugged each other tightly before letting go and perfectly executing their secret handshake. Connor had always been the odd one out at school. Not only was he a Mormon but he upped himself on the scale of weird kid by hating sport of any kind with a passion and spending every spare minute watching movies like dirty dancing or envisioning himself performing in a broadway musical. Steve had been the first and only male friend he had found but that was all he had needed. They'd been firm friends from the first day he'd defended him from bullies and there hadn't been any reasons for that to stop. The daydreams that Connor had about them just cemented their friendship further.

"Ready?"

"As always!"

As they did after Connor's dance practice and Steve's soccer practice every Wednesday, they walked home through the quiet streets. Most of the town knew the pair and visa versa so the boys parents were happy to let them walk the ten minutes to their homes. The day that Connor found out they lived next door to each other had been the best of his short life so far.

"I perfected the pirouette"

"And I actually scored a goal! We must be each other's lucky charms"

Connor looked up to his friends grin, an activity that he was used to as the shortest boy in class, and noticed Steve was looking back at him. Both boys laughed quietly, a small knot forming in their chests as they did so. The daydreams kicked in for Connor again- This exact spot they were in merged into a deserted island scene and Steve's hand was wrapped around his own. Their clothes tightened in some places and disappeared in others, causing the boys to inspect the other with renewed interest. Connor's eyes drifted lower as the 'dream' Steve reached his other hand to cup his jaw.

"You're gorgeous Connor. I couldn't imagine marrying anyone other than you"

The scene switched suddenly. They were sitting on a bed in a large room and the curtains were billowing majestically in the warm evening breeze. His honeymoon. A hand crept towards him and settled around his waist, pulling him across the bedspread slowly.

"I've waited my entire life for you" Steve whispered before pulling Connor into a fiery kiss, pulling the small boy onto his lap. He moved against the other searchingly-

Connor finally snapped from the daydream, the tightening in his chest intensifying as it spread to his crotch as well. This was becoming a regular occurrence and it was beginning to scare him a little. Little Mormon boys were meant to marry the Mormon girls who pranced around at the same sunday school as him but the only thing he noticed about they was the way that girls were built elegantly. He had yet to encounter a girl that couldn't dance, even if it was a little shyly. He never had these kind of thoughts about the short petite girl named Melissa that was always hanging around with Steve. In fact he resented her a little. Steve had dated loads of girls and Connor had felt the tightness relieve from his chest after he dumped his current obsession and he'd managed to convince himself that it was because he finally had his entire attention again.

"C'mon Con, I have a new game to show you" Steve spluttered out as he finally managed to pull his gaze away. His hand, which he had rested on Connor's shoulder unconsciously, rubbed once more longingly before plastering it back to his side.

Connor, admittedly still slightly dazzled from the extended thoughts about his close friend, fumbled for his front door and slid it into the lock.

"Connor hun, is that you?"

"Hi mum"

Connor's family sat around the dinner table and smiled up at him expectantly. They were used to the constant presence of Steve by this point and just waved for them both to join them for dinner.

"I wanted to go dancing!" Connor's younger sister Em pouted, pounding her little fist on the table.

"Honey Con-Con is older. Your classes aren't for a few days"

"But I want to go now" Em whined

Connor smiled as he went over and swung her from her seat. She pouted for a second more before breaking into fits of giggles.

"I'll dance with you tomorrow, I promise Emsie Em. Steve is here tonight"

Em's eyes widened and she squealed loudly. "Steeeeeeeve"

She wiggled relentlessly until Connor set her back onto the floor before launching herself at Steve. It was obvious to the entire family that she had a crush on him and Connor couldn't blame her

Steve grinned back at the girl as he caught her from mid air and sat them both back at the table, ever the advocate for calming Em down. He'd had enough of being glared at by Connor's parents when he'd been round previously. They were scary people to say the least. After calming her down, Connor's mother served the dinner that was always miraculously ready when they both turned up. It always amazed the boys that all parents seemed to have incredible timing.

They all continued a quiet chit chat throughout dinner and both boys finally managed to escape just before Em's nightly tantrum about dessert and the argument that always surrounded it.

"...greedy dogs which can not have enough, Isaiah 56:11! Emerette Mckinley, do you want to go straight into fiery damnation?"

Steve cringed slightly as he looked over at his friend, giving the boy a sympathetic look.

"If it helps I got off lightly" Connor explained brightly, looking down at his feet as he pushed his bedroom door open. Being Mormon, they were never going to get regular names but his was as close as he was going to get. No one would ever be able to spell it right though.

"But Emerette...?"

"Yeah there are some really bad versions out there, believe me. Names that never should be first names"

Steve shook his head in apparent amazement before remembering the main reason for their sleepover and scrambling for his backpack.

"I give to you, the best game ever! You're gunna love it Con" he muttered as he rummaged through his school bits before grinning triumphantly.

"Tah- Dah!"

Steve held the newly released Kingdom Hearts aloft with glee, immediately gauging his friends reaction to their nightly plans.

Connor grinned more for his best friend's enthusiasm than the game itself. Connor found himself studying his friend unabashedly as he began to set the game up. There was so much wrong with this situation but he couldn't help himself, it was getting worse now. He wiped his sweating hands on his school trousers quickly as Steve turned back around and handed a controller to him.

"C'mon I've been waiting years to play this with you!"

"Ste, you've only had the game a day"

"I don't care, it's always an eternity when I'm waiting for you!"

Steve seemed to realise the double entendre of his words as the startup scene began playing. His eyes drifted to his friends face and they locked eyes for the second time that day. By the time that Steve shook himself from the trance and looked back towards the television, his character was already waiting for him to begin playing.


	8. Chapter Eight-Doubt

_The boys played through a large portion of the game that night, not allowing themselves to look at each other. Though in their hearts they were aware something had changed within their friendship, neither wanted to discuss what was happening. Finally, when Connor's mum came to remind them with a well found Mormon verse that it was late, they shut the game down and looked at one another again._

" _We should get ready for bed before mum comes in again" Connor smiled slightly as he allowed Steve first turn in the bathroom as he put his games all back into the correct order and tidied his room back into a state his mum would find acceptable in the morning. He hated getting lectured by anyone, let alone his ridiculously Mormon family._

 _He brushed past Steve as he headed to change in the bathroom, inciting an incredibly quick snapshot of the previous dreams about him to flash in front of his eyes. He avoided eye contact as he scrambled past him and forced himself not to think about the naked man that had been in here less than five minutes before him. When he had, of course, successfully managed not to think about him, he came out and plonked himself on the best as far away from Steve as he could. He breathed into the awkward silence that had fallen between them._

" _So" Steve mumbled, scrambling quickly to find a conversation topic "Which is your favourite character so far?"_

 _Connor's heart sank a little further as he played with a loose thread on his already worn out pajama top. He was convinced that he wasn't crazy, that what he was feeling was normal and what boys went through. This just confirmed Steve wasn't the same and definitely didn't have the same thoughts he did._

" _Ah... Urm I would say Axel, he seemed pretty cool"_

" _Oh I would say Roxas so I guess they're pretty similar"_

" _Weren't they friends as well, like us?"_

 _The boys once again looked at each other, Connor averting his eyes the fastest he could manage whilst staring into eyes that had always been so kind to him. Always been there. Always._

" _Hey... Con... Are you okay?"_

 _Connor looked up as he felt Steve stroke a thumb absentmindedly along the top of his hand where it was placed on the blanket. At some point during his internal struggle, his friend had crossed the gap between boy continued the action despite the eye contact before fully placing his hand on his friends._

" _Steve... uhhh...I..." Connor stumbled over his words nervously, his eyes darting nervously between his hand and Steve's eyes. The boy never stopped the reassuring gentle stroking and Connor felt his nervousness begin to fade slightly. He turned his hand over and held Steve's hand without looking up at him again._

" _There's something... different about me Steve. I don't think I like girls in the way I like-" Connor murmured, gesturing to the other boy with his other hand._

" _You...You like me in the way guys like girls?"_

 _Connor nodded his head, feeling weight simultaneously lift and settle. Someone finally knew his secret but this still wasn't natural. He knew that much._

" _Do you wanna... try it out? Ummm... I mean do you wanna make sure? You need to try both... sides" Steve stuttered, taking his hand from Connor's and holding them together tightly._

 _Connor looked at his friend incredulously, wondering why he was stalling. This was his best friend of years and yet all he could think about was this would ruin their friendship. How could he go back to being best friends with someone if he definitely had...unholy thoughts and been allowed to act upon them. Just the dreams alone were definitely enough for damnation._

" _Con... stop overthinking it"_

 _Connor looked up and felt soft lips press against his for the quickest of seconds. His eyes flicked open and looked at Steve who had averted his eyes to the floor. Connor tapped Steve's shoulder gently and immediately repeated the action for slightly longer this time. They both looked at each other nervously as both boys were wondering what the other was thinking. Steve took a deep breath before broaching a subject that was circling in his head._

" _Um... So I saw this thing on a movie my sister watched? They basically kissed but I searched up some things afterwards and... the other girls I've done it to liked it so maybe it'll make you decide if you're... you know"_

 _Connor ignored the twinge in his chest and nodded slowly, hoping that his slight jealousy didn't show on his features._

 _Steve took Connor's hand and placed them gently to rest on his thighs and pressed his own hand to Connor's cheek. He looked into the other boys eyes for some sort of disgust or reluctance but when he found none he pressed his lips to the others gently. They kissed gently at first as Steve allowed him to feel as if the situation were completely natural to them both before moving his hand to tangle in Connor's hair, eliciting a sigh from him. Connor's hands pressed more solidly into the boys thighs, feeling his body tighten with a feeling he would later realise was complete desire. Steve, feeling that Connor was more comfortable with this now, lapped his tongue eagerly against his slightly parted lips. With a slight gasp of shock, Connor pressed himself closer and moved his hands to Steve's waist. This continued for a few minutes more before Steve slowly removed his lips from Connor's, attempting to hide the disappointment. Even if he had painted this little 'experiment' as something to help Connor, it had made him realise some home truths about himself._

" _Why... Why did we stop?" Connor asked breathlessly, the moisture that had collected on his lips trying to tempt Steve back but he ignored the call._

" _We can't have your parents coming in on us Con, how would you explain it even if it was completely innocent?"_

 _Connor's heart sank to the floor and fractured deeply as he attempted to control his trembling bottom lip. All of the feelings he had felt that flooded through that kiss were not only completely unnatural but apparently unwarranted as well. He wrung his hands together sadly before Steve gently lifted one and laced their fingers together._

" _We need to go to sleep before your parents come in and realise we've been awake this whole time"_

 _Unwillingly Connor agreed with this and tried to pry his fingers from Steve's without much luck._

" _I... uh can we go to sleep like this?"_

 _Connor looked towards his friend who was looked down at their clasped hands, only looking back up when he squeezed his hand gently._

" _Yeah"_

 _Steve squeezed his hand back and they climbed into bed, their fingers still laced together tightly. They both laid on their sides, looking at each other with different thoughts. All Connor wanted was to tell Steve his mission had completely worked. Or failed, depending who you spoke to. He knew exactly who he was now. All Steve could think about was how he'd ever find a friend like Connor again, they'd certainly overstepped the boundaries this time._


End file.
